- Personal therapy
Er du reaktiv eller irrationel?
- Mark Colclough
Af Mark Colclough, Parterapeut og psykoterapeut, cand. mag.
As we relate to each other, we get pushed and pulled, “bent out of shape” in our relations. I can help.
Are you reactive or irrational?
Here’s an idea for you: Humans are by nature irrational. That’s because, as complex beings, we are constantly being pushed and pulled by our many intertwining emotions. Greed, fear, jealousy, joy, lust – our behaviours and activities tend to be largely driven by such forces, with balanced thought and logic sometimes taking a back seat.
What does it mean to be
irrational or reactive?
Fundamentale irrationelle adfærd:
Højgradig irrationel adfærd:
Unlike fundamental irrationality which is constant and low grade, high grade irrationality is a less frequent and more intensely felt form of irrationality that flares up in response to specific stimuli. One example might be a sudden and unexpected failure, such as not getting a job you want. This failure can trigger intense fear of future interviews, and prevent you from applying for more jobs, even though there’s no logical reason to respond this way.
In either case, we can see that these forms of reactive irrationality are harmful to yourself and others. The problem is, however, that those suffering from irrationality can rarely see their own behaviours clearly – especially when it is fundamental. Often, it is other people who spot this character trait and it is not uncommon in couples therapy for one person to accuse the other of irrational reactions, while the other totally denies this is the case.
Terapi hjælper os med at bryde adfærdsmønstrene ned i mere håndterbare dele og udforske dem på en sikker måde, ofte ved hjælp af transaktionel analyse.
Transactional analysis and irrationality
Transaktionel analyse er en psykoanalytisk teori, der har været anvendt af terapeuter i mere end 70 år. Den søger at forklare menneskelig adfærd (såsom irrationel adfærd) og er blevet opsummeret som:
“…a system of psychology for understanding human behaviour, changing human behaviour and predicting human behaviour.”
The basis of the theory is that we are constantly motivated by unconscious areas of our personality, known as ‘ego states’. There are 3 primary ego states, which you can read more about here. These are ‘parent’ (often a mirror of the parenting we received as a child), ‘child’ (the more reactive and emotional state) and ‘adult’ (the state that allows us to process information and make rational decisions based on logic).
Når vi diskuterer irrationel adfærd, kan vi antage, at meget af dette stammer fra vores barntilstand. Terapi hjælper os med at bevæge os væk fra denne tilstand og over i vores voksentilstand, så vi kan træffe mere rationelle valg.
Let’s revisit David for a moment:
David acts on a fundamentally irrational level and is blaming others for his missed appointment. He decides it must be the fault of the receptionist, who didn’t call him to remind him of the appointment. He decides it must be the fault of his ex wife, who caused him to feel stressed that day so that he couldn’t think straight or plan his day. He decides it must be the fault of the cab driver who didn’t show up on time. Or the company that kept him on hold on the phone for 2 hours that morning, messing up his schedule. Everyone is at fault except for David. What can transactional analysis tell us about David’s functioning?
1. David’s child state is someone who cannot handle criticism or challenge, perhaps because he was overly scalded for mistakes as a child. Or perhaps his upbringing, which was quite chaotic, meant he never felt safe to own his feelings and behaviours, including his mistakes. Therefore David’s child state rules his life into adulthood, disallowing him the power and liberty of making mistakes in a healthy way.
2. For at bevæge sig ind i en voksen tilstand, må David lære, at det er sikkert at tage ansvar og begå fejl. Han skal ændre sin tankegang fra en evig offermentalitet til en tilstand, hvor han kan bearbejde information mere logisk.
Hvordan gør han dette? Svaret er terapi. Hvis du kan genkende dig selv i David på nogen måde, eller hvis han minder dig om nogen tæt på dig, vil jeg meget gerne høre fra dig for at udforske det nærmere.
