- Personal therapy
What’s your attachment style
- Mark Colclough
Af Mark Colclough, Parterapeut og psykoterapeut, cand. mag.
Forskning tyder på, at mere end en tredjedel af os er utrygt knyttet. Men hvad betyder det, og hvordan kommer du dig?
What do we mean when we talk about ‘attachment’? Well, in a nutshell, attachment refers to the way we relate to others. This might be a partner, a parent or just people in general. It has been described as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.”
Forhold er ofte fyldt med bekymringer og et behov for anerkendelse.
Mark Colclough, MA
In the 1950s, psychiatrist John Bowlby explored the attachment bonds between parents and children, with a focus on how and why we become attached, and how this can then lead to separation anxiety and attachments in adulthood. He hypothesized 4 categories of ‘attachment’ that every person falls into. These are: Avoidant, Anxious, Fearful Avoidant, and Secure.
During individual psychotherapy and couples counseling, attachment styles play a pivotal role in the exploration of your inner self. By bringing your attachment style to your consciousness, you can make positive changes within your relationships – both with yourself and with others.
How do we form an attachment style?
Our attachment style is formed in early childhood. It is developed in response to the evolutionary way we experience our early experiences and our caregivers. Early behavioral theories suggested that ‘feeding’ was a primary motivator in a child’s attachment to a caregiver. If a child had their feeding needs met, they’d form attachment. Bowlby successfully demonstrated nurturance and responsiveness were the primary determinants of attachment. Basically, the way you relate to your caregiver in childhood will impact the way you relate to others for the rest of your life.
What does each attachment style mean? Avoidant Attachment
Undvigende tilknytning er en usikker tilknytningstilstand, der er kendetegnet ved frygt for intimitet. Hvis du har svært ved at komme tæt på andre, føler dig kvalt af intimitet eller har svært ved at stole på mennesker, kan du have en undvigende tilknytning. Dette kan komme til udtryk som følelsesmæssig utilgængelighed i relationer, hvor du foretrækker uafhængighed og selvstændighed. Det er sandsynligt, at de tidlige omsorgspersoner var uresponsive, uagtsomme og følelsesmæssigt fjerne.
Anxious Attachment
Anxious attachment style is a form of insecure attachment style characterized by a profound fear of abandonment. Relationships tend to be filled with worry and a hunger for validation. An anxiously attached person might be described by others as ‘needy’ or ‘clingy’. In childhood, caregivers would have been unpredictable with affections, one moment being stifling and other moments being intermittently withdrawn. The fluctuations between caregivers being caring and withdrawn can then lead to a formation of anxious attachment in the child.
Individuel psykoterapi eller parrådgivning kan hjælpe med at identificere og arbejde med din tilknytningsstil
Mark Colclough, MA
Fearful Avoidant Attachment
Frygtsom-undvigende tilknytning er en blanding af de undvigende og ængstelige tilknytningsstile. Personer med denne tilknytning begærer kærlighed, men vil samtidig undgå den. Denne konfliktende tilstand kan føre til store vanskeligheder med at regulere følelser og kan endda føre til voldelige udbrud eller seksuelt risikabel adfærd. Omsorgspersonerne har været skræmmende, eller der har været traumer relateret til én eller flere omsorgspersoner (som misbrug eller forsømmelse). Som følge heraf udvikler barnet en dårlig forståelse af grænser og går ind i voksenlivet uden den sikre model for relationer at trække på.
Secure Attachment
Secure attachment style means the ability to curate loving, secure relationships with others. Trust and intimacy can be established with ease. A securely attached person can also receive love from others, and be away from their partners without separation anxiety. Boundaries are intact, with the person being able to depend on others without becoming dependent. Early caregivers would have been responsive and attuned to their child’s needs, thus helping them enter adulthood with a good understanding of themselves and those around them.
Which attachment is yours?
You might have read the above and instantly identified with an attachment style. Or, perhaps you’re not quite sure. Individual psychotherapy or couples counseling can help with identifying and working with your attachment style (and the attachment styles of significant others).
Gennem at vække vores bevidsthed om vores tilknytningsstil kan vi skabe sundere relationer med os selv og de mennesker, vi har omkring os.
