- Work
Splitting – I am being bullied at work
- Mark Colclough
Af Mark Colclough, Parterapeut og psykoterapeut, cand. mag.
En 2020 British workplace study showed that 23% of workers shared that they have been bullied at work. Broader studies have shown that as many as 64% of surveyed respondents claimed to have experienced this, either through being physically hurt, driven to tears, or had their work performance affected.
What does bullying at work look like?
At gå væk fra denne form for mobning er lettere sagt end gjort, når så mange livsfaktorer er påvirket af vores levebrød.
Mark Colclough, MA
Da de fleste af os bruger en betydelig del af vores liv på arbejdspladsen, er det uundgåeligt, at mobning i denne sammenhæng vil få konsekvenser. Så hvad kan der gøres ved det?
Let’s explore this together.
Tegn på, at du bliver mobbet på arbejdet, kan inkludere:
- At frygte at gå på arbejde af frygt for ydmygelse, kritik og overdrevne og uforholdsmæssige arbejdsbyrder.
- At føle sig intimideret, bange eller undermineret af en bestemt person.
- At gå glip af muligheder, der gives til andre.
- At føle, at ingen indsats er stor nok, at intet arbejde er godt nok.
- At føle, at "målene" ofte flytter sig - enhver mål, du når, gøres automatisk sværere, så du aldrig opnår noget.
- At føle sig isoleret fra grupper af arbejdstagere, blive talt om bag ryggen eller blive udeladt af sociale arrangementer.
- Ikke at have en stemme i møder, blive talt over, føle sig tavs.
- At blive beskyldt for ting, der ikke var din skyld, eller få dit arbejde undersøgt mere end andres.
- Og meget mere...
Sometimes, bullying in the workplace happens as a consequence of ‘splitting’, which we will now explore in more depth.
What is splitting in the workplace?
Splitting is the tendency of some people to view others as all-good or all-bad. The term was first coined by Ronald Fairbairn when he formulated Object Relations Theory. It is thought to begin in infancy, when a child is struggling to combine a mix of loving fulfilment and unresponsiveness within an individual caregiver. As an adult, a person who splits promotes a highly emotional and defensive state where only good or evil exist – without the nuances and grey areas that make up so much of life. This toxic attitude can quickly be contagious in the workplace.
Splitting in the workplace encourages extreme, all-or-nothing positions and frequently involves projection, for example, labelling other people as being “angry” in the ways that those doing the labelling are actually being angry themselves.
In the workplace, splitting can create a bullying culture against one individual, driving them out of the workplace or into a position of submission through encouraging others to think of him/her as ‘all bad’.
It can also cause the victim of splitting to struggle achieving rewards or positive praise, because their work is viewed as ‘always bad’, even when this is objectively not the case. By setting a worker up to persistently fail, for example by creating impossible deadlines or overloading them with work, the ‘splitter’ then feels justified in their criticisms and subsequent punishing actions (e.g. denying that worker a pay rise).
I usually call this “A/B thinking, or a use of language that contains lots of “always” or “never”, as well as “all” or “nothing”. These are simple “tells” to look for in someone’s choice of words.
Mark Colclough, MA
Dealing with splitting at work
Noticing splitting can be incredibly difficult. Proving it can feel impossible. But having strong personal boundaries and assertiveness, you can tackle splitting head on, or, if you prefer, transition away from the toxic work environment altogether. It’s your choice.
Therapy is a good first step. We can talk about how you are experiencing work, who might be splitting, how this splitting is affecting you, and devise strategies to live with this or move away from it. Plus, if you sign up to my subscription for therapy, I can be there with you – at the end of a phone – to give you real-time help when splitting behaviours emerge.
How else can splitting show up?
It could be that you are reading this and have realised that you are the person splitting – or that you are splitting in response to someone else’s splitting. Signs that you might be splitting in the workplace include:
- At nægte at tro, at dit arbejde kan have brug for forbedring – og tænke, at kritikken af dit arbejde er en hævnaktion mod dig.
- At have stærke følelsesmæssige reaktioner på feedback eller konstruktiv kritik.
- At skabe eller fodre arbejdspladsdramaer, der polarisere folk (f.eks. at starte et rygte).
- Bevidst forsøge at få nogen fyret.
- At overbevise dig selv om, at alt er galt, og at du skal rette op på det.
- At drage konklusioner uden at lade andre forklare eller retfærdiggøre beslutninger.
- Og meget mere...
If you are self employed, you can still split! You might fail to acknowledge the smaller details and nuances of your business, or deliberately overlook things you’d rather not deal with – focusing only on the ‘all good’. Entrepreneurs who split might have 20 failed businesses behind them or huge debts from where the splitting hides the negatives and focuses only on the positives.
As you can see, splitting takes many forms in the workplace context. If you are a victim of splitting or you yourself are splitting, I can help.
